He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
