it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
