my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize