I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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