Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
