Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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