And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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