we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
