I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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