Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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