Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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