I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
