I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize