my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
