at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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