either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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