I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
