is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
