What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
