new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
love makes seman taste better
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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