allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
