I'm lost and stupid without you.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Randomize
