Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
