We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
