The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize