And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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