So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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