2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
