remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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