It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
