Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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