remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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