Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize