Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
