i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
