btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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