Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
