ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
