At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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