I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Your penis caused this!
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