6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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