btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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