If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
