All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize