planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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