mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I haven't been this sober since birth.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
