You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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