so explain again why im purple
no
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
