I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize