No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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