Where is the hickey?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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