Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
