im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
