I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
