Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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