that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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