drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
