Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
