Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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