when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
