and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
