the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
