someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
