but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
