I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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